I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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