i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
