on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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