i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
