his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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