Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
