Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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