somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
