perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
