ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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