I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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