There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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