what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
