Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
