i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
