i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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