Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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