did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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