Acid is not a monday night drug
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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