I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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