I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
