Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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