you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
