Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
