He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
