so that wasnt chicken after all
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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