We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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