last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
