I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
