your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
