You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
