He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
