how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
time to smoke my breakfast
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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