Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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