I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The struggles of a small town man whore
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
