Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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