You're my little dorito
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
