bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
