Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You may now shotgun with the bride
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
