break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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