god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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