i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
How's work?
Spinning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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