Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have tasted many bathrooms
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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