all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Every concussion has its silver lining
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
