he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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