we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
