And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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