after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
