No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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