seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
