is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
