The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The Olympian is in my bed
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
