Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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