went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
