I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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