Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
as a side note pls kill me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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