Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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