no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
