Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
