the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
