You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
