I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
