He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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