My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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